Tuition

Christy was a mess the next day. Her eyes were bloodshot, and she groaned with each hobble on her crutches. When Mr. Griffin asked her what was going on, she came right out and said, “I tried to sabotage the team.” Tears rained down her face.

She launched into the entire story of the tryout, including some details that I hadn’t even known, such as Coach Sue pointing out the flaws in Amanda’s stroke, saying that she could be even faster with the right coaching.

“I tried reading my Identity Card since then,” she said, “but I can’t even look myself in the eye.”

“Guilt over an issue is often far worse than the issue itself,” Mr. Griffin said.

“How is that?” Christy asked.

“Look at yourself now,” Mr. Griffin said. “The truth is, your attempt at sabotage did little real damage, but the way you’re beating yourself up over it could have serious consequences. The girl who sits before me is incapable of helping either her team or herself.”

“So what do I do?”

“Step one is to forgive. You found yourself in a tough situation, and you made a bad choice. Don’t let it have a domino effect and ruin everything else you’ve worked on.”

Christy cracked her knuckles. “And if I can forgive myself, then what?”

“This is another example of misalignment,” Mr. Griffin said. “Remember what I told you earlier in the year. You have to be extremely careful when choosing your goal, for anything that’s not on a card, tends to get pushed out by what is. What you are experiencing now is what happens when you have a secret goal in conflict with your written goal.”

“So how do I get out of this?” Christy asked.

“You need to get yourself into a paradigm of win/win.”

“English, Mr. Griffin?”

“English? In math class?”

We all groaned.

Still chuckling, he said, “You’re stuck in a classic win/lose scenario, which means that you think that for you to win, the team needs to lose, and for the team to win, you need to lose.”

“And you have a fix for this?”

“First, bring your secret goal out of hiding.” Mr. Griffin handed Christy a blank card. “If a swimming scholarship is what you want, then you’ve got to have a swimming scholarship card.”

“But that doesn’t resolve the conflict.”

“We’ll deal with the conflict, but not yet. Not until after we’ve made the card.”

“Why wait? It’s still going to be there. We’re just putting in all this extra work.”

Mr. Griffin sighed. “I’d hope by now that if you’ve learned anything from the notecard system, it’s that it takes you through a process that activates your mind. Your biggest problem right now is that you’ve become attached to a single strategy of how you can achieve your goal. When you only have one option, it’s not an option at all, it’s an ultimatum. When you have two options, you have a dilemma. Possibilities start to open up when we have three, four, five, or more ways to accomplish a goal.

“Every time any of you have used the Mastermind process, you’ve generated new strategies. So now let’s engage in this process for your swimming scholarship and see if we can’t get you out of your logjam.”

“OK, I’ll try.” Christy read:

“Wait,” I broke in. “Why’s it necessary to get the scholarship to a top program?”

Christy looked at me like I was nuts. “I want to compete with the best.”

“I get that, but the other day, you told me that your goal was to be the first person in your family to graduate from college. What if there’s a good school with a mediocre swim team that’s willing to give you a full-ride? Would you turn down the free college degree because the team isn’t good enough?”

Christy thought for a moment. “You’re right. I’ve always had my heart set on being on a top team, but the college degree is a bigger priority.”

“Kelvin just helped us with the next step in resolving your conflict,” Mr. Griffin said, “expanding your options. The more schools you’re willing to consider, the easier it becomes to get a scholarship somewhere.”

“But I want to swim for a top program,” Christy said.

“No one is encouraging you to settle,” Mr. Griffin said. “Your Mastermind Group will still do all they can to help you get into the program of your choice. But which would you prefer: to help your team win the state championship and get a full-ride to a lesser program, or to sabotage your team to get into a top program?”

“I felt awful yesterday. I’d rather win the championship even if it meant going to a lesser college program. I see what you mean. My stomach already feels less jittery.” She crossed out a few words. “OK, so now my card says:

“Help me out, guys. How can I get a scholarship even if I can’t return to the team?”

“Use your network,” Jarod said. “I got so much out of that meeting with Bill that I even booked another one for this weekend. Coach Sue and Coach Dana are both far more knowledgeable and connected in the swimming world than you are. Have you gone to them for advice?”

“No,” Christy said. “I really should though.”

“Plus all of those other coaches who helped you out earlier in the year,” Darnell said.

“That’s true,” Christy said. “A number of them told me they’d be willing to help out our team. Maybe they’d be willing to help me on this as well?”

“How about another video?” I said.

“You think a video showing me on my crutches will win me any scholarships?”

“I think we can come up with a better script than that,” I said. “I’m sure you’ve had plenty of people video your past races on their phones. We can gather some of those, plus the video footage I took last time. We can interview Coach Sue and Coach Dana. You can send it around to the college coaches you want to approach.”

“You’re willing to make another one?” Christy asked.

“Of course.”

Her expression relaxed. “OK, I’m in.”

“Even if you’re not rehabbed enough to swim in the championship,” Darnell said, “it might be enough to get back to swimming with the team. That alone can show that you’re on the road to recovery.”

“You’re right. I don’t need to swim my best times, just show coaches I’m capable of getting there.”

“And isn’t it better to be part of a winning team than a losing one?” I asked.

“I suppose so. And I can help make that happen. Amanda’s a natural, but she needs a ton of work on her technique. Coach Sue made it clear that she and Coach Dana aren’t going to spend much time working with anyone joining the team this late in the season. If I can help her get better, I can help the team win.”

“Still feeling in conflict?” Mr. Griffin asked.

Christy let out a slow breath. “Not as much. I was mostly scared of losing out on college. But everything you guys said is right. If I attack my scholarship applications with the same intensity I put into getting a new coach, I have a chance even if I’m not the best on the team. And when I think that way, I feel more selfish than ever for putting myself ahead of the team. I’m captain, and I’ve dedicated myself to building a winning team. I won’t let my hunt for a scholarship get in the way of doing what’s best for them.”

Jarod’s foot jittered on the floor. “What happens if we have a conflict that won’t go away so easily?” he asked Mr. Griffin. “I mean, winning a championship and getting a scholarship don’t contradict. But what if you want to get one job in Texas and another in Michigan. You can’t take them both.”

“Remember, your cards are barometers. Darnell lost passion for his card because his goal changed. Each day he felt dissatisfaction when reading his card, which indicated he needed to shift direction. In your example, you’d make a card for each job. There’s no reason why you can’t apply for them both. As you read them, pay attention to which card moves you.

“The cards are nothing on their own. They’re only valuable for what they stir up in you. First, see if there’s a way you can make both goals work so they don’t contradict, as Christy just did. But even if they conflict, try reading them for a few days, and see if the cards themselves can’t show you which direction is the right one.”

Jarod came into class on Monday morning pale-faced. I’d only seen him look this way once previously, right before he told us he wanted to start participating in class.

Mr. Griffin picked right up on it. “Jarod, did something happen this weekend with Bill?”

“You could say that.”

“Well?” Christy said.

“We were riding in his truck to the job, and I told him how much more money I was making now that I got myself a plow.”

Jarod scrunched up his face and went back into his imitation of Bill. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Then I asked him if there was any other equipment he thought I should buy like I did with the plow. He said, ‘Buy it? Why the hell would you buy it? Remember this, boy, cash is the lifeblood of your business. Run out of that, you’re out of business. Lease dammit. Finance if you have to. But never buy outright a damn thing unless it’s at fire-sale prices.’

“Then he looked me up and down and said, ‘you do have cash, don’t you?’

“Sure, I have cash, I said. In fact, I’ve almost got enough saved up for my first year of college.”

“‘College? What the hell do you want to go to college for? I’ve got college wimps begging me for $12 an hour. Hell, I figured you only called ‘cause you had the backbone to start a landscaping business of your own.’”

Jarod’s face returned to its still, shocked expression.

“Then what happened?” Christy asked.

“Nothing.”

“You spent the whole day with him, and that’s all that happened?”

“Bill’s not a big talker. And I suddenly had a lot on my mind. Haven’t stopped thinking about it since.”

“Twice so far in this class,” Mr. Griffin said, “students experienced one of those moments that define a lifetime. Darnell had his after binging on Thanksgiving, and Christy hers after her accident. Such moments are not reserved for times of crisis. I do believe, Jarod, that this is yours.”

“You might be right,” Jarod said.

“If you put all your focus on building a landscaping business, your life will move in one direction. If you pursue a degree, it will move in another. Use your Mastermind Group. In the past, I’ve encouraged your classmates to offer suggestions. Not this time. This time there’s no information that Jarod is lacking. He’s got it all within himself, he just needs help bringing it out. I encourage you all to simply ask him questions.”

Darnell got us started. “What’s bothering you, Jarod?”

“Look, Bill’s not the first person to give me crap about going to college. My mom does it all the time. But my mom barely makes minimum wage and is always stressed about bills. She might thumb her nose at college, but it never got to me because I always knew I wanted more than she had.”

“Can’t say the same for Bill, can you?” Darnell said.

Jarod shook his head. “No, you can’t.”

“What did you think you’d get from college?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I always had some vague idea that college would put me on a path to success, but I couldn’t tell you what that path would be. It’s not like I’m one of those people who knows he wants to be a doctor or something. I’d probably just graduate and look for work like my brothers did. But I’ve got work now, and it’s starting to pay well.”

“You don’t think you could do better if you had a degree?” Christy asked.

“Maybe. But I might not. Plus, I’d have to be paying four years of tuition, and be studying when I could be working. I’d have to earn far more after I get the degree for it to be worth it.”

“What about the whole college experience?” I asked.

“Kelvin, I have no doubt that you will go to college and love it. You get excited about learning and school-related stuff. Remember what my goal for this class was?”

“To get the credit so you could graduate.”

“Exactly. To me, education is something you put up with and get through. I can’t wait to get out of this school, and now I’m supposed to sign myself up for another four years?”

“Jarod, can you give me three positives about going to college?” Mr. Griffin asked.

“Well, I guess I’ll have a degree on my resume. That counts, right?”

“Of course. A resume can be a valuable thing when going to work for others. Is that your hope? Or do you prefer to be self-employed?”

“Definitely self-employed. I hate taking orders. That’s one reason I can’t stand school.”

“I’ll still count it as a reason; you never know when you’ll need a job. Anything else?”

“I guess I might learn some cool stuff.”

“What are some things you’re excited to learn?” Mr. Griffin asked.

“Things to strengthen my business. Though I’m most excited to learn on the ground from people like Bill.”

“Can you think of a third thing?”

“All this money I’ve made is burning a hole in my pocket?”

“I’ll take that as a no. Let’s try the other choice. Can you think of three positives about skipping school and focusing on your business instead?”

“Three? How about ten? I’ll save a bundle of money. Won’t have to sit in any more classes. I can put that money I’ve saved into some new equipment that can help me grow faster. I’ll be able to afford a decent place to live, rather than living rough. I can set my own schedule, with no one else telling me what I have to do or where to go. I can start seriously building my business, rather than just doing it part-time. And I could…” Jarod stopped speaking and just nodded to himself.

“What?” Christy asked. “What was that last thing?”

“Just a vision I had for the future. Not everything should be said aloud.”

“Oh come on…”

“I’ll tell you eventually,” Jarod said, “but I don’t think I should be telling you first.”

“Oh. Got it.” Christy sat back, looking very pleased for some reason.

“So, Jarod,” Mr. Griffin said, “what else can we do to help you make a decision?”

“I’m good, Mr. Griffin. Just talking it out was a huge help. The decision suddenly seems pretty darned obvious.”

“How come you keep coming to the girls’ swim team practices?” Amanda asked me. “Are you the team manager?”

“I’m helping Christy with another video.”

“Oooh, you made that first video? That’s what got me interested in trying out for the team.”

That didn’t quite add up with what I’d heard from Christy. “Didn’t you contact Christy after the article in the paper?”

“Yes, because the article mentioned the team’s struggle to recruit new candidates in the wake of the coach’s death. But my curiosity had already been piqued from the video.”

Amanda held my eyes a bit too intensely while she spoke, and her vocabulary sounded like no other sixteen-year-old I knew. Though still in her street clothes, she already had her swim cap on.

“Christy described you as a natural,” I said, “but said it didn’t look like you’d had much coaching.”

“A natural? Hardly.”

“So how’d you get so good?”

“Before moving here, we lived in a house on a lake in South Carolina. I didn’t have to go to school, so I swam for hours each day. This will be the first time I’ve ever had a coach.”

“You’ll get good coaching here. Both Coach Sue and Coach Dana were top swimmers themselves.”

“You recruited them with your video, right?”

“It helped.”

“Would you like to feature me in this new video?” She threw her head back in a poor imitation of a supermodel pose.

I couldn’t help cracking a smile. “I don’t think so. This one is primarily to help Christy get a scholarship for college.”

“Christy told me she’d be instructing me personally. Wouldn’t you want to highlight that?”

Working with Amanda would undoubtedly make this project more interesting. “I mainly want to focus on Christy’s swimming, but showing how she helps out teammates could appeal to coaches looking for a good team member. Let’s do it.”

Amanda waved and headed toward the locker room. Christy came up beside me. “She’s strange, huh?”

“Yeah,” I said, though I continued to watch her until the locker room door closed behind her.